This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
