Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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