I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
