So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
