Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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