p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
