Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
