i would punch a child for taco bell
sarcasm needs its own font
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
