Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
