tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
