she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
