This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
