Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
