trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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