U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
