Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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