when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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