I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
