how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
