what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
