Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
