I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
