Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
