rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
