you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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