Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
