OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
did i just pee glitter
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
