I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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