I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
