Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
