I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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