U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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