onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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