Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
