You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
