I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
