I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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