Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
