Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
