She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize