Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize