It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
