so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
