We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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