I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
