I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
