No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So squirting runs in the family.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
