he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
