Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
