My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Text me some of your sweat
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
