Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
