I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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