96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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