please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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