You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
