went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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