after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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