Got a toothbrush?
did you get engaged???
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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