I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
