I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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