btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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