i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
