I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Green mimosas i think yes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
