He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
