Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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