I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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