just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
