we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
