i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize