Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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